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Do you listen correctly,
carefully, adequately, intelligently, unassumingly, quietly and
effectively? If you want to be a good listener you have to cultivate
the habit of effective listening.
Those who are good at
communication know the importance of listening, which is perhaps
more important than even speaking.
It is not an exaggeration to say
that relationships thrive more on listening skills than on speaking
skills. A good speaker may sometimes find himself unwanted in a
group, but rarely a good listener.
The following suggestions may help
you improve your listening skills:
1. To make listening a regular
habit you must start from somewhere. Start from today and for a few
days from now on wards, allot at least one hour solely and wholly to
listening only.
During this one hour do nothing
but listen, with all your attention and concentration. Listen to the
sounds and the words as they come to you in their unadulterated
state.
Listen without the intervention of
any thoughts, without any disturbance in your mind. Enjoy the
purity, the beauty and the magic of the
sounds.
Concentrate on one sound, or many
sounds or on all sounds that come to you at a time. Listen to them
in the context of the background in which they
arise.
Listen to the distant sounds that
are almost inaudible but only by effort can be heard. Listen to the
faintest of the sounds such as the ticking of a watch, the movement
of the wind, the rustling of the grass or your own breathing. At the
end of this exercise listening should have become an integral part
of your nature.
2. Try to replay in your mind the
various sounds that you hear every day. Try to recreate a particular
piece of music or song that appeals to you. Try to recreate mentally
the sounds of nature.
Can you recollect the various
sounds exactly? Can you recollect various sounds simultaneously? Can
you play an entire orchestra mentally in your mind ? Keep practicing
till you can say, "Yes" to these questions
confidently.
3. A mind that is fully relaxed,
alert and free from all cares and worries is most conducive to
effective listening. If you want to allow the words of others to
enter your mind freely, you must cultivate a free and undisturbed
mind and an unassuming personality.
Pay more attention to others,
their thoughts and words than to yourself and to your own thoughts
and words as you listen.
It is in our eagerness to impress
and communicate our thoughts to others that we tend to forget the
true act of listening effectively. To become a good listener you
must learn to keep yourself in the background. It is through
humility we can reach out to the worlds of
others.
4. Empathy and rapport are the two
wires through which you can connect yourself with the rest of the
humanity.
These qualities become natural to
you, if you have genuine interest in other people and are willing to
step aside and let others speak to you.
Rapport comes when you learn to
identify yourselves with other people and empathy when you develop
the understanding and sensitivity to feel the feelings and
experience the emotions behind the words and
gestures.
5. Learn to listen intelligently,
trying to understand the others' view points. Concentrate on the
ideas as well, for a better understanding of what you are listening.
If you are in an important meeting, a group conversation, or a
conference, you can jot down the main ideas briefly, but this should
not interfere with your task of listening for understanding and
insight.
6. A closed mind cannot absorb new
information. A mind that is prejudiced and inimical to certain ideas
cannot create an effective listening
attitude.
If you want to become an effective
listener you must step out of your little egoistic world and set
yourself completely free. Of what use is your knowledge, if it
limits and obstructs your infinite capacity to grow and expand
mentally and spiritually?
You can listen to the words of
others only when you have no hidden agenda of your own, if you do
not feel threatened by others superiority or the richness of their
thoughts and ideas.
When you have nothing to prove to
the world except your genuine interest and concern for the freedom
of others to express themselves, you allow yourself to become an
effective and intelligent listener with a responsive mind and
willing heart.
7. Develop a rich vocabulary. The
more words you know, the greater will be your capacity to listen and
understand. The bigger your vocabulary, the greater will be your
capacity to absorb and assimilate the complexity of
thoughts.
8. As you listen to others show
genuine interest in what they are saying. Seek information, ask
questions and clarify your doubts. Do not be a mere passive
listener. Keep the conversation alive with your own responses here
and there, but without trying to dominate the conversation. Look for
the non verbal clues as well.
In the end, remember that
listening is a very important part of our daily communication
process. It helps us to understand the people and the world around
us. it helps us to cope with our own problems effectively. It gives
us the space and time needed in our relationships to make them
stronger and last longer.
But you should also remember that
you cannot live in this world only by listening. Sometimes when the
occasion demands, when you truly believe that something very
important is at stake, you have to speak out your mind and make your
stand very clear.
Many problems arise in our lives
because in crucial moments we hesitate to speak and make ourselves
clear. If our children, close friends or relations, or our
colleagues need some improvement or certain correction in their
behavior or attitude, they need to be told in no uncertain terms
what is expected of them. But even on such occasions one should
listen carefully before speaking out ones
mind.
In the final analysis, like any
others tool, listening can be used as a part of ones choice and
discretion. A good listener is always in a better position to deal
with his problems and relationships.
He is accepted every where and
welcome into every conversation. He rarely involves himself in
controversies and misunderstanding. He has nothing to prove and
nothing to show off to the world. He has nothing to lose but only
gain the richness of his understanding.
Therefore remember this wonderful
law of communication: Listen as much as possible, but speak only
when it is a must. | 
