In Hindu dharma, marriage is viewed as a sacrament and not a contract. Hindu marriage is a life-long commitment of one wife and one husband, and is the strongest social bond that takes place between a man and a woman.

Grahastha Ashram (the householder stage), the second of the four stages of life begins when a man and a woman marry and start a household. For a Hindu marriage is the only way to continue the family and thereby repay his debt to his/her ancestors.

In Hindu view, marriage is not a concession to human weakness, but a means for spiritual growth. Man and woman are soul mates who, through the institution of marriage, can direct the energy associated with their individual instincts and passion into the progress of their souls.

The marriage ceremony has various stages:

1. Selection of the Couple:

1. In arranged marriages, the bride and bridegroom are generally selected and chosen by parents or the elders. Being experienced and elderly people, they can perhaps better evaluate the merits of the partners. Left on their own, the boy and the girl, being young, can be led to more transitory rather than long lasting and valuable considerations.

2. This system of selection by the parents has been criticized because it has been seen that in many cases, parents seek matches on the basis of superior social status and more wealth which would add to their prestige, rather than compatibility on biological or psychological grounds. It is, therefore highly desirable that the boy and the girl should be consulted and the reasons for the selection of jeevansathi discussed with them. 

3. Today the young boys and girls have a deep desire of a perfect marriage. In their would-be jeevansathi, the youngsters want a beautiful face, unmitigated love, devotion and fidelity and also camaraderie and complete self expression. The reality of marriage is not foreseen and when it fails, they put the blame on the parents instead of upon the excessive and naïve demands they make on the marriage.

4. The parents are morally bound to find mates for their children and the children are obliged to accept the parental choice. The marriage among Hindus is considered a union between two families rather than between two young people. However, two considerations are mostly followed-that the mates must be chosen outside the family and must be within the religion/caste. However, western culture has heavily influenced the youngsters and traditional customs are being ignored in the modern age.

2. The Betrothal:

1. When the selection of the boy for a bridegroom and of the girl for the bride have been investigated and the betrothal decided on, an auspicious day is fixed for its celebration. This should not normally take place in the month of Posh (December), Kartik (October) or Chetna (March), when Venus and Jupiter are on the wane, during the shhradas, annual or general, interrelated months or when the Venus and the Jupiter are in the same rasa. Sundays, Tuesdays and Saturdays are also avoided at times. The ideal time for betrothal is during the following Nakshatras (asterisms): Phalgun (January-February), Bhadrapada (August-September) and June-August.

2. On the appointed day, the boy’s party goes to the girl’s house and the both parties are seated, while Brahmins recite the Mangla Charan (benedictory prayer) and Shri Ganesh is worshipped, kept in a brass dish. Rice is sprinkled on Ganesh and the boy’s party. Sometimes red coloured water is also sprinkled over them. The girl’s guardian (the father, paternal grandfather, brother, one of the same family and lastly the mother) then announces that the girl, is dan (gift) by word of mouth, and this is the essence of the betrothal contract. It is now irrevocable, and there is a very strong feeling against breaking it. When once the promise has passed the lips of the girl’s guardian, it can only be withdrawn under grave circumstances. The a janev (scared thread), fruits, flowers and some clothes are given to the boy by the girl’s guardian. The girl’s Brahmin applies tilak to the boy and his kinsmen. The boy’s parents and kinsmen make gifts to Brahmins and distribute sweets and money amongst them.

3. Among the Hindus betrothal is a contract and is, as a rule, an indispensable preliminary to the marriage of a girl. If a woman, once married, is remarried on account of divorce or widowhood, the ceremonies performed in the first betrothal are not performed so religiously.

4. A promise of marriage (betrothal) cannot be enforced by a suit for specific performance, but a refusal to complete a betrothal or a promise of marriage by an actual marriage would give the injured party a right to recover from the person making the promise, compensation for the loss, if any, sustained by the breach of promise. In case of such breach, a father or guardian, would be entitled to recover money properly spent in contemplation of such marriage. Should the girl die before the marriage, the bridegroom is entitled to recover back the presents given by him to her, subject to paying such expenses as have been incurred.

5. As a rule, among Hindus, priority of betrothal gives the girl a social, though not legal, claim to be married first, that is to be married before the fiance takes another wife. The reason is that in a Hindu household, the first married wife, occupies a more or less privileged position, as against Muslims, where all the four wives are, in the eye of the law at least, absolutely equal.

3. Pre-Marriage Ceremonies:

1. After betrothal, before a marriage takes place and is given legal effect, certain ceremonies are required to be observed. These ceremonies differ from community to community and from place to place. These ceremonies, sometimes, may look surprising, nevertheless, they are regarded indispensable, as well as highly religious and significant. These are purely social and are meant to increase intimacy between the two families. The boy’s father sends sweets etc. for the girl on festivals. These she returns with some money. Later the boy’s father sends her ornaments; these too are returned with some cash and clothes, only three or four trinklets are retained.

2. Pair Pana (to put in one’s feet) is a ceremony, observed after the betrothal. At this the girl’s people send trays of sweets (11-51) to the boy’s parents, followed on the same day by a formal visit paid by the women of the boy’s family including neighbours and friends, to the girl’s house. Refreshment is served, with milk to drink. The mother of the boy blesses the girl; some money circumambulated over the head of the girl is given to the barber maid. When the boy’s party has left, the girl’s mother and other ladies visit the boy’s house. The mother of the girl blesses the boy, gives him a gold coin and a gift to the barber maid. This ceremony is rarely practised in the present times, because the selected couple may be belonging to a distant place.

3. Milni Ceremony: A few days before the wedding, on an auspicious day, the milni ceremony is performed. Girl’s people send trays of sweets to the boy’s house. Females do not go with these gifts, only males. They are received by the boy’s relatives, assembled for the purpose. The Milni (to meet) is then performed, the girl’s party standing on one side and the boy’s on the other. The girl’s people present money, ornaments to the boy’s people and Salami (token money) are offered. The counterparts of both sides meet, embrace and offer token money. Nowadays, this ceremony is performed just before the marriage party enters the wedding hall.

4. Ghodi Ceremony (Riding a Mare): Before the marriage party (barat) proceeds to the girl’s house, a mare is sent to the boys house. The bridegroom rides the mare and a small younger brother/ cousin (sarwala) sits behind the bridegroom. The women and relatives in the boy’s house, bless the boy and give him and the younger one money. After this ceremony at the boy’s house is over, the boy, accompanied by relatives and friends (baratis), proceed to the girl’s house singing and dancing to the tunes of the band, under the shade of glittering lights.

5. After the marriage party reaches the bride’s house, the boy dismounts the mare and is led to the inner chambers. The Milni is performed and then the rest of the marriage party sits in the auditorium, where some entertainment and light refreshment are served. A practice, that is being performed now is that the boy, before reaching the inner chambers, exchanges garland with the bride (varmala ceremony).

4. The Marriage Performance:

1. The marriage party goes to the dining hall. The bridegroom in the inner chambers is surrounded by girls and other females of the bride’s house, who jest with him. The girl and her parents observe fast, on this day, till the time after Saptapadi (seven steps ceremony). The boy’s side (the bridegroom and his parents) also, sometimes observe fast.

2. When the auspicious moment for the Lagan draws near, the boy goes to the Vedi (the place decorated with banana tree trunks under the open sky) and the marriage ceremony starts. The boy is seated on a wooden seat and by his side, the girl is also seated. On one side of the couple, the parents of the girl sit, opposite the father/ guardian of the boy sit. On the fourth side, the two priests of either side sit. After yajna with recitation of Vedic mantras, a piece of long cloth hanging on the shoulder of the boy, is tethered to a corner of the dupatta (head cover) of the girl. The couple is then made to stand up and they go around the fire seven times (Saptapadi), which includes three steps led by the bride and the other steps by the bridegroom. When the seventh round of the consecrated fire has been taken, the marriage becomes complete and binding under the law. Before the seventh step is taken, marriage is incomplete and may be revoked. Thus the performance of Saptapadi is an essential condition of Hindu marriage. During the ceremony and before the seven steps, the priest makes the couple take oaths of responsibilities and duties of a husband and wife. Each round (in all seven) consisted of seven steps, the bridegroom saying to the bride: “Take thou one step for the acquirement of force; take thou two steps for strength; take thou three steps for the increase of wealth; take thou four steps for well being; take thou fifth step for offspring; take thou sixth step for the seasons; take thou seventh step as a friend; be faithfully devoted to me; may we obtain many sons; may they attain to a good old age.” Then bringing both their heads into close juxtaposition, someone sprinkles water on them from a jar.

3. The wedding rite having been gone through, the Khat Pujan is next performed. The bride and the bridegroom are seated on a bed with all presents and gifts given to them.

4. The boy is asked by the bride’s kinswomen to recite a Chhanda (couplet), for which he is nominally paid (another zest of the bride’s friends).

5. The couple, led by the bridegroom, to whose long cloth has been tied the headdress corner of the bride, leads out of the house of the bride to the doli (carriage). She is seated inside, often with a little girl, to give her company. The bride, on leaving her house, while meeting her father, mother and other kinsmen starts crying, which is continued, even when she gets seated in the carriage. When the departing procession starts, bride’s kinsmen go for a certain distance, then they return. The Bridegroom’s party with the bride go to their house.

6. When the couple approach the house, some women of the family receive them with due honour. The mother of the bridegroom receives the couple at the door of the house, pours mustard oil on both sides of the door and allows the couple to enter the house. Immediately after entry, the bride has to topple over small earthen pots full of rice, after which she enters the house and is received by the womenfolk. In some places, the mother waves a cup of water seven times round her son and daughter-in-law, which she then drinks. This means that she, with pleasure and for her son’s love, takes on herself every misfortune that may in future time befall on either of them. The senior relatives of the boy in succession put a handful of sesamums into the hands of the girl, which she returns to them at once. This ceremony signifies that they wish the bride to bear children as numerous as the sesamum seeds, which fall on the ground. Then the women sing: “May the bride bear as many sons as sesamum seeds have fallen to the ground.”

7. The next ceremony is handing over a purse full of money to the bride, and she is at liberty to take as much as she likes. This signifies that the husband entrusts to the care of the wife all his worldly goods. She then promises that she will spend nothing without his knowledge.

8. One of the after-marriage very popular ceremony, observed in all Hindu marriages is Kangana Khelna. In a large dish, milky water, some colour and Durba grass is put. The bride and the bridegroom are made to sit opposite each other, on the sides of the dish. Then both of them are asked to pick out the ring, which is spontaneously thrown in milky water. After a few rounds, the brides opens the knots of the sacred thread tied on the wrist of the bridegroom at the commencement of the wedding ceremonies. This is the last rite of a Hindu marriage.

9. After a stay of few days, the girl returns to her father’s house. The husband visits his father-in-law’s house and returns with his wife. This is called Muqlawa. The grehastha life then continues.

5. Beautification of the Couple:

1. In every part of the world and in all religions, the bride is decorated-beautified-so as to make her attractive. Some races believe that the decoration should be such as should avoid evil eye. In come tribes, it is believed that the bride should look horrible so that the ghosts get frightened, but mostly she is decorated to look beautiful.

2. In India, among the Hindus, the bride is beautified with mehndi (turmeric paste) applied in artistic designs on her hands and alta (red colour) applied on her feet. Black lamp (kajal) is applied on her eyes, a red small disc (bindi) is fixed on her forehead, ear rings are put in her ears, an ornament (nath) is put on her nose. Anklets adore her feet. Before her decoration, she is rubbed with gram dal paste (besan) in oil and then she takes a bath. After a bath, she is decorated with ornaments. She puts on gorgeous fast coloured clothes, usually of red colour and sometimes green. In some, regions, ivory bangles (chooda) is also put on. Around the waist, a girdle of silver or gold is put around, called kandhoni. On the fingers of the feet, small designed silver ornaments, called bichhua are put on. The decoration is such as to cover all exposed parts of the body of the bride. Since old times, she came out with a long drawn head cloth over the face, but in the modern times, this had changed to just cover the head with the face exposed.

3. The decoration of the bridegroom is limited to applying mehndi on his hands and putting on a turban, usually of a light red or pink colour. On the previous day, he is also given a massage with Besan in oil. His near relatives, particularly the father, also put on pink coloured turban. In central India, particularly among the tribes, there is a system of tattooing over the body, as is common among African tribes, but among the tribes in northern India, Bihar or the south, this system does not exist. The bridegroom covers his face with a garland called sehra. His costume is ordinary and simple. His jewellery is a ring or two on the fingers and a gold necklace. Among the royal families, small jewel earnings are put on.

Hindu Marriage Customs and Beliefs

The worlds third largest religion is Hinduism according to Carolyn Mordecai, author of "Weddings Dating and Love Customs of Cultures World Wide Including Royalty".

The Hindu ceremony consists of the priest or brahmin officiating.The bride and groom stand on a decorated wood plank and the priests holds a curtain between them. The bridal party stands behind the bride. The priest chants songs and guest shower rice and other grains over the couple.

The wedding begins when the curtain is removed and garllands of sandlewood chips are placed around the neck of the bride and groom.

The brides father gives her to the groom and then they perform an upliftment of Dharma... there are three Purusharthas: Dharma meaning right conduct, Artha for prosperity and Karma for the enjoyment of legitiment gratification.

The Marriage Symbols: The bride applies sandlewood paste to the grooms forehead, the groom then applies a red mark on the brides forehead to display for as long as they are married.Then puffed rice and purified butter from the hands of the bride and groom are thrown into the fire.This represents the radiant one. Then the darkness is removed by the priest chanting matras, which are blessings.

Vows: The vows are made before the fire that represent the diety. The groom vows to always include his wife and consult her. The groom takes his brides hand and leads her around the fire he steps closer to her they walk along where rice is heaped to one side. Holding hands they take the sapta padi... a seven step symbolic journey through life. Around the sacred fire pot they agree to:

* Earn a living for their family and respect their abundance

* Live a healthy life style for each other

* Be concerned for partners welfare

* Live together as friends... enjoy happiness and friendship throughout their lives

* To eat and drink with each other and be with each other on special occasions

* Desire children for whom they will be responsible and love

* Adapt to the other persons at any given time and place

The groom recites traditional mantras to the bride. Cotton is tied around the bride and groom while a blessing of a long happy life are given. The bride washes her hands and the bride and groom pray that their prosperity will be fulfilled.

The groom places a floral necklace around his brides neck... this represents love. The bride then accompanies the groom to the Hindu activities. Another wedding necklace of silver or gold with semi-circles and black beads from both families... symbolic of the union of the two families... is also worn.